Growth is optional
by Angevon
Summary: Souji's biggest secret isn't that he's into boy's love, but it might as well be. [YosukeXP4Hero]


[Author's notes:

A Yu Narukami version is available at Dreamwidth at the following address:  
angevon dot dreamwidth dot org/51489 dot html  
Every 'dot' should be a '.'

Please enjoy!]

* * *

Souji wandered around his family's apartment in Tokyo in a daze, his phone held so close to his ear it might as well be attached.

Yosuke was coming to visit him.

The joy welling up within him was an unusual feeling, something he hadn't felt since probably the LMB festival. That was when he'd last seen everyone from Inaba, and that had been months ago now. He could call them anytime, of course, but that just wasn't the same.

"All right, partner, I'll see you tomorrow," Yosuke said over the phone. "Heh, 'see you tomorrow' ... I've been waiting ages to say that."

Souji cradled his phone even closer to his ear. "I've been waiting ages to hear it," he admitted.

"I'll let you go now," Yosuke said. "Get some rest okay? We're gonna have a heck of a day tomorrow. I wanna see all of Tokyo! I mean, all that you want to show me, anyway."

"I'll think about what we should do," Souji promised. "You rest well too."

"10 am sharp! Don't forget!" Though insistent, his tone was light. Souji could easily imagine he was smiling right now. He couldn't wait to see that smile again.

"I won't," he promised.

They wrapped up the call, and Souji stared down at his phone, feeling all sorts of nostalgia. His best friend, finally able to visit him. His heart had been racing ever since Yosuke broached the subject. It was too bad no one else could come, but Yosuke would be enough.

He wondered what they should do. Yosuke was leaving it up to him, so... Akihabara, obviously. Tokyo Tower, probably. Odaiba, maybe. It was a little further out, but he'd enjoy a walk along the beach. There wasn't a lot of time to plan, but an unplanned kind of trip was more up Yosuke's alley anyway. Whatever they did, he was sure it would be fun.

Souji was smiling to himself when he prepared to sleep for the night. That was when he made the mistake of checking his email.

"J-BOOKS: An item on your wishlist is now available!"

Thinking nothing of it, he clicked the link to expand the message. He had a lot of crap on his wishlist, so it wasn't likely to be anything important.

His eyes widened as the cover of the boy's love doujinshi that he desperately wanted appeared on the screen. He'd probably read the volumes he owned for this series at least twenty times now, but it ended on a cliffhanger and he needed this final volume to complete the series. He'd been waiting months for someone to sell a copy to a second hand store so that he could buy it, but it must be rare or something because he'd never once seen it available.

Until now, apparently.

"No way," Souji muttered to himself, his heart beginning to race in a different sort of excitement from earlier. It was really in stock, and conveniently, he was going to be in town tomorrow with Yosuke so he could totally stop by and pick it up then.

Wait.

'With Yosuke.'

His spirits plummeted. Though Yosuke seemed to be improving in regards to 'that sort of thing,' there was still no way Souji could take him to Otome Road in Ikebukuro, let alone into a store specializing in boy's love.

_Why now,_ he thought, tears nearly coming to his eyes. He pressed his fingers against the image of the doujinshi cover on his phone screen, stroking it lovingly.

If he waited too long, someone else would buy it before him. And this particular store didn't do online orders, not for doujinshi anyway, so he couldn't just order it and reserve it.

But there was more to Ikebukuro than Otome Road... Maybe he and Yosuke could go there anyway, and maybe he could excuse himself from Yosuke for a little bit so he could go buy the book. If he was fast enough, Yosuke wouldn't even notice he was missing.

The more he thought about it, the more confident he felt in the plan. He fell asleep with his excitement and his smile still intact. Tomorrow was going to be great.

* * *

At 10 am sharp, Souji watched Yosuke stride off the train at Tokyo Station with a duffel bag over his shoulder. He looked nice in a way that Souji couldn't describe. Maybe it was the classic winter jacket he wore, the one with the faux fur. It had always suited him. But there was something different about him. Souji went through a mental checklist to figure it out. He still dyed his hair, and still carried his signature headphones around his neck. His hair was a little shorter than it used to be. Ah, yeah, that was it. The way his hair was cut framed his face well, making him look more mature.

"Yo, partner," Yosuke greeted with a little wave, immediately spotting him on the platform.

"Yosuke," Souji said simply, unable to find more words.

Yosuke grinned at him. "Well, don't get all excited or anything," he teased. "I only came from miles and miles away to see you."

"S-sorry," Souji said. He smiled shyly. "It's just been a while," he finished. "I wasn't sure what to expect."

"It's just me," Yosuke said, thumping his own chest. "The same Yosuke you know and love."

Souji shook his head. Yosuke was winking, just like he always did. "I missed you," Souji said, and he meant it.

Yosuke bumped his shoulder in a friendly way. "Missed you too, dude."

"Anyway," Souji said, "what did you want to do in Tokyo?"

"I'm down for anything," Yosuke said.

"Great," Souji said with feeling. It was time to enact his plan. "Let's go to Ikebukuro. I know you'll want to visit Akihabara, but that's more fun at night, so we should go there later. Ikebukuro has some of the same stores, so we can see what's in stock and get an idea on prices."

"Sounds good to me," Yosuke said. "Lead the way, partner!"

They found a locker within Tokyo Station to store Yosuke's duffel bag for now, since they weren't planning to go all the way to Souji's family's apartment until the end of the day. Yosuke took a picture of the locker with his phone so they'd be able to find it later. Souji noted they might have to come back sooner if they bought a lot of stuff.

"Nah," said Yosuke. "Most of my money is going to the train tickets. I won't be buying much of anything. By the way, thanks for letting me stay with you. Hostels aren't expensive or anything but it does add up. Plus I get to see where you live!"

"I'm glad you're excited," Souji said. "But it's really nothing special, just a small apartment."

"Living the Tokyo dream, huh? I can't wait to see it anyway."

They took the Yamanote line down to Ikebukuro, a little over 20 minutes away from where they were with all the stops. During the ride, Yosuke told him about his long train ride from Inaba and how spotty his data connection had been. Souji listened, the smile on his face growing at how reminiscent it felt. Listening to Yosuke go on and on in that familiar cadence, it was almost like he'd never left Inaba.

In Ikebukuro, they headed towards the Animade, a store specializing in all things anime. On the way they passed a cafe that had plastic models of their menu items on display outside. The parfaits and ice cream dishes all looked delicious, topped with gummies and fruit, but there was one in particular that caught Yosuke's eye.

"Dude," Yosuke said, tapping the glass of the display case. "The size of that parfait rivals Aiya's rainy day Mega Beef Bowl challenge. They ought to make their own challenge out of it."

"Looks delicious," Souji agreed.

Without taking his eyes from the model, Yosuke said, "We should get it."

"We?"

"We can share it."

Yosuke turned his head, a big childish grin on his face. He wasn't one to back down from a challenge. Souji found himself grinning back, and the decision was made.

The mega parfait was just as big as advertised, though it had fewer strawberries than the model. Souji didn't mind; it was delicious, and better yet, he was eating it with his best friend. They took turns spooning out different parts of the parfait at about an even rate, making sure that neither got too much or too little of any part of it. Back in Inaba, Souji had always enjoyed it when they could work together on a project like this, so, in a way, it was just like old times.

Yosuke spooned up a slice of banana. "You know, this feels familiar somehow," he said casually. "Like I've done this before with someone. But it's all fuzzy in my mind."

"Like a dream?" Souji suggested.

"I guess? I keep thinking I did this with Kanji." He waved the spoon around. "Can you imagine that, though? Kanji, of all people?" He laughed.

In an instant, Souji's mood soured. Despite everything they'd been through, Yosuke still had hang ups about Kanji?

"What's wrong with Kanji?" Souji couldn't stop himself from asking.

"Huh?" Yosuke blinked. "Nothing, really. He just doesn't like matcha. So he wouldn't be able to even make a dent in this thing."

At that, Yosuke ate a big spoonful of matcha ice cream. He stuck his tongue out at Souji, showing off how green the ice cream had made it. Souji relaxed and ate the rest of the strawberries. Yosuke teased him for not leaving any for him.

It took a while, but they managed to finish it. They split the bill and headed out of the cafe as rather happy customers.

"That hit the spot," Yosuke said, patting his belly. "Traveling always takes my appetite, so I wasn't ready for a full meal. That was perfect."

"It was pretty much a full meal," Souji said lightly. "It was good though, I'll have to go there again sometime."

"Careful. If you go there too much, it won't be long before you turn into a walking parfait."

"At least I'd be tasty," Souji said.

Yosuke shook his head and laughed. "You're really something else, partner."

They went to the Animade after that and spent a long time wandering its aisles. There was a floor dedicated to idols, a floor for figures, and a floor for doujin goods and manga. While riding the escalator to the next floor, Yosuke pointed out a big Hatsune Miku wall scroll hanging from the ceiling and commented on how cool it was. The price turned out to be way out of his range, unfortunately.

While exploring the manga floor they quietly began to discuss stuff they'd read recently. There wasn't much really, since neither had time to read anything other than study guides for entrance exams, so the topic soon turned to what was popular now followed by a discussion on their old favorite series' that had gone into indefinite hiatus.

On the music floor, Souji found Kanamin Kitchen's latest album. Then Yosuke began to talk about his tastes in music, a topic Souji was very familiar with already, but he let Yosuke tell him all over again anyway, just happy to have him sharing interests with him. He especially enjoyed when Yosuke took his music player out and set his headphones on Souji's head to have him listen to some samples.

When they grew tired of Animade, Souji led them down Ikebukuro's main street. The types of stores began to change as they approached a more infamous part of town. Instead of attractive anime girls, the stores advertised merch for male idols, and hot anime boys. Not only that, but the composition of the crowds around them also changed. It was now predominantly composed of young adult females.

It was clear that Yosuke noticed these changes, because he slowed down. Souji's heart fell as he anticipated his negative reaction.

"Dude," Yosuke said. "Why are we going to Otome Road?"

"There's a Book On," Souji explained. He pointed to the building right in front of them. "It's not as big as Animade, but it has two floors."

"There's a Book On everywhere you look in Tokyo," Yosuke said. "We don't need to go to _this_ one."

Souji opened his mouth to reply, but Yosuke was continuing.

"But since we're here, we might as well, huh? Come on, let's go."

Despite the location, the Book On was entirely normal. One floor was for manga and the other for electronics. Since they'd already exhausted the topic of manga over at the Animade, they went to the electronics floor and began to browse the selection of DVDs and BluRays.

Souji began to get nervous. This was where he'd planned to enact the next part of his plan, but there was a problem: Yosuke wouldn't leave his side. He tried to move into another aisle while he thought Yosuke was distracted by browsing a stack of scary movies, but Yosuke noticed out of the corner of his eye and immediately dropped everything to follow him.

Souji concluded he'd just have to address him directly. "Yosuke, umm," he said. "I have to use the bathroom. You stay here. I'll be back."

"Okay," Yosuke told him.

He nearly sighed in relief. The solution turned out to be so simple! With a spring in his step, Souji headed downstairs and out of the store.

Conveniently, the doujinshi store he needed to go to was only half a block away. He was sure he could be back before Yosuke went looking for him. It was the weekend, though, so the crowds were starting to thicken around him, slowing him down. He didn't let it worry him. If it took longer he'd just claim there'd been a line at the bathroom.

He stopped in front of the store and peered into its storefront. The entrance was covered by boy band posters. It was going to feel awkward getting past them all to reach the elevator to the doujinshi floor, so he hesitated before taking a step forward.

A voice called out, "Yo, partner!"

Souji nearly tripped. "Y-Yosuke," he squeaked.

Yosuke was walking up to him through the crowd. "You totally went the wrong way to the bathroom," he said, "so I figured something was up. You'd been acting kind of weird at the store too... So what, you were trying to ditch me?"

He didn't seem upset, just curious. Souji couldn't meet his gaze. Instead he looked up at the sign for the store in front of him.

Unfortunately, Yosuke followed his gaze. "Are you... trying to shop for boys love, or something?"

All sorts of lies flitted through his mind:  
'Is that what this store is? I have the wrong address.'  
'I'm actually shopping for a friend.'  
'I just really like BTS okay?'

But he couldn't lie to Yosuke, not to his face.

"Yes," he said.

Standing by his side, Yosuke contemplated the store's entrance. A life-size cardboard cutout of a popular bisexual male idol in rather flamboyant clothes advertised a new hit single. A feather boa had been wrapped around the cutout's shoulders. Souji was embarrassed just looking at the cutout, despite secretly liking that feather boa...

He waited with a heavy heart for Yosuke to proclaim his judgement. He was going to think Souji was weird, or messed up. His stomach twisted, hating the thought and hating himself a little too. Why had he thought this was a good idea? It was just a stupid doujinshi and now he had to cancel his plan to buy it. He hated how much he still wanted it.

"What are you waiting for?" Yosuke said, all of a sudden.

Without another second's hesitation, Yosuke entered the store. Floored, Souji took a moment to follow. "Umm, Yosuke..." he murmured while he followed him into the elevator.

"Doujinshi, right?" Yosuke said while glancing at the elevator's floor panel. "It's gotta be the doujinshi."

He pressed the button for the appropriate floor. Souji couldn't find words. Yosuke willingly being here with him was just too unexpected.

Then it dawned on him. Yosuke was here to make fun of it all. What boy (aside from Souji) wouldn't? These girls were so _weird_ with their _weird_ boy's love, haha, what is _wrong_ with them...

Souji wished the elevator floor would drop out from under him.

Instead, the elevator door opened with a ding. Yosuke stepped out onto the doujinshi floor, immediately greeted by a prominent display of doujinshi involving tentacles.

_Don't comment, don't comment, don't comment,_ Souji prayed.

The moment went on. In the periphery of his awareness Souji heard the female staff members whispering to each other about the odd sight of two boys visiting the store, making him self conscious. Yosuke had to feel absolutely out of place, there was no way he wasn't going to say something bad...

Yosuke opened his mouth. Souji mentally braced himself.

"Huh," he said.

And that was it.

He turned to Souji after that. "What was it you wanted here?"

"I..." Souji began, and stopped. He opened his mouth to try again, but it didn't work.

Yosuke, standing there, waiting for him... He looked so honest. Souji couldn't understand. But it finally computed in his mind: if Yosuke wasn't going to make a fuss, maybe he could just get the doujinshi and be done with it.

Putting on a determined face, he went to the nearest staff member and asked for help finding the book. After blinking at him, she led him to the proper section of the store and helped him find it. Before he knew it, the volume he'd longed for was finally in his hands.

A goofy grin grew on his face. It was here, it was his, and he was really happy!

He went right to the register to complete his purchase, and soon it was neatly wrapped in a discreet black bag. He would enjoy reading it later tonight, when he was back home. But now...

Now he had to find Yosuke. He wasn't where he'd left him, by the elevator. The store wasn't too big, so he shouldn't be hard to find—ah, there he was!

He was going through a big stack of doujinshi. Souji blinked, but it wasn't a mirage. Yosuke was really sorting the thin books into different stacks around him.

"Yosuke?" Souji asked quietly as he approached.

Yosuke glanced up at him, his eyes filled with an unusual fire. "Dude, they have books for Phoenix Featherman Ranger R. I couldn't believe it. And look how much of it there is! The show did go on for a ton of seasons, so I guess it makes sense."

"You... know it's boy's love, right?" Souji asked slowly.

"I always knew Red Hawk and Black Condor had chemistry," Yosuke said. "I just never thought about it until I saw it on the shelf."

"You're... buying these?"

Yosuke nodded. "Now I'm extra grateful you're letting me stay at your place. These are only 200 yen a pop, but man, I'm buying a lot of them."

"It adds up fast," Souji agreed.

Yosuke eyed his bag. "And what did you get? Just one?"

"Just one," Souji said. "Don't worry about it, you wouldn't be interested."

"Try me," Yosuke said.

"N-no," Souji said, holding the bag close to his chest. It was one thing to have Yosuke in the store here with him and another entirely to share his prized possession with him.

"Well, all right," Yosuke said. "I won't make you. You're welcome to read any of mine, though!"

Souji wasn't into Featherman, but some of the books Yosuke picked out had appealing covers. Yosuke seemed to prefer a more stylized and cutesy art style to the more common anime boys style. It was entirely unexpected.

Yosuke put away the books he didn't want and went to the register to check out. Souji followed, still dazed from this turn of events. When had Yosuke changed so much?

Outside the store, Yosuke headed to a small public park that was just across the street. He took a seat on a bench and Souji joined him. It was peaceful here, though they could still hear the bustle of people walking past the park. The trees were a pleasing color, the leaves just starting to change for fall. The breeze was cool but not overly brisk. As they watched, a bird flew down to the ground in front of them and hopped around aimlessly with cute little chirps.

"So," Yosuke broke the silence. "Why'd you try to leave me like that?"

Souji opened and closed his mouth. Whatever answer he gave would hurt Yosuke, so he had to choose carefully. "It's boy's love," he finally said.

"Yeah...? I don't really care, partner."

"Well," Souji continued slowly, "I guess I assumed you did."

Yosuke stared at the ground for a moment that dragged on. The little bird flew away under the strength of his gaze. "I came to Tokyo to see you," Yosuke finally said, turning his head to peer at Souji. "Sure, seeing the city is great, but I really just wanted to spend time with you. I don't care care what you want to do, as long as I get to do it with you."

He wore a soft smile now. Hesitantly, Souji returned it. "I'm sorry," Souji said. "I didn't mean to ditch you, I just thought you wouldn't be interested, and that it wouldn't take long for me to pop over and buy this book."

"Just don't leave me like that again, okay? I could get lost in this big city without you!" He playfully nudged Souji's shoulder. "You're supposed to be my tour guide, you know."

"I won't," Souji promised.

"You wanna shop for more doujinshi?" Yosuke asked. "I'm serious, I'll even help you find whatever you're looking for."

Souji smiled with genuine feeling. Yosuke really was a great friend. To not judge him, and even offer to help as if it was absolutely normal... "I got what I needed," he said. "But it's getting later now, so let's go to Akiba?"

"Whatever you want, partner!"

The truth was, Souji didn't care either way about going to Akihabara, but he knew Yosuke would have a good time there. Even if Yosuke had said all that, that being with him was just enough, well, Souji still didn't want him to have any regrets about not seeing otaku central.

On the way back to the train station and on the train ride itself, Yosuke talked about Phoenix Featherman Ranger R, probably inspired by his recent purchases. The topic went from his favorite episodes to his favorite scenes and favorite lines. Though Souji listened, his mind kept going back to the fact that Yosuke had intentionally bought boy's love. The Yosuke he knew and loved, to quote how Yosuke'd introduced himself earlier in the day, was decidedly not into that. The very thought would make him cross his arms before him. It was something he'd have to ask about later.

Akihabara was already busy. They found a spot on the edge of the main street from which they could survey the area. The tall buildings all around them were covered in huge banners advertising different anime and video games. As they watched, neon signs began to light up down the street as night officially fell. The transformation was beautiful to behold.

"I love this place," Yosuke said. Souji smiled at him. Coming here had been the right decision. "I haven't been here since middle school," he went on. "I was into trading card games back then."

"You've never mentioned that before," Souji said.

Yosuke shrugged. "I'm not into it now. What I meant was, now that I'm older, I'll have a new appreciation for everything this place represents. You know, instead of just trying to find that one rare card."

Instead it would be 'that one rare doujinshi,' Souji thought to himself with inward delight. He held the bag with his doujinshi close to his chest. He honestly didn't have a need to shop for anything more today, so they'd just have fun looking around.

They walked among the sea of people, just two more faces in the crowd. Souji didn't come here often; he didn't have anyone to go with. He hadn't made any friends at his new school, not any he'd want to go here with anyway, so he appreciated Yosuke's presence. He made it fun, and to Souji's surprise and delight, Yosuke didn't make any untoward comments about the women in maid costumes advertising the local maid cafes when they passed them. Souji'd expected something—the small packets of tissues the women handed out practically demanded it—but Yosuke kept it clean. He really had changed.

"Are you hungry?" Souji asked after the next cafe they passed.

Yosuke hummed, thinking it over. They stopped at the next intersection and waited with the crowd for the light to change. The aroma of something fresh-baked wafted to them. It turned out to be taiyaki cakes being sold by the corner store. They couldn't help but be drawn to it.

"That's not really a meal," Souji commented. "We didn't eat anything of substance today."

"Finishing a dessert with another dessert is a bad idea, but..."

'But...' was right. Souji's mouth watered, so he bought two of them, handing one to a grateful Yosuke.

"Souzai Daigaku ought to expand into desserts," Yosuke said between mouthfuls of cream-filled cake. "Taiyaki on a stick? I'd eat that every day. Ted would love it too. He's always trying to get them to add Topsicles to the menu."

"Sounds like him," Souji said. "They're pretty specialized into meat, though, and I don't see them changing that."

"Heh. They'll have to expand their menu after Chie goes to college or go out of business. She's probably their #1 customer."

"Hmm? I recall you took me there more than once."

"Yeah and you're not there anymore, so." Yosuke tossed the taiyaki wrapper into the nearby trash can. "I don't go as much."

Souji couldn't argue with that. If he could've stayed in Inaba, he would have, but...

"Don't worry about it," Yosuke said, correctly identifying the direction of his thoughts. He sent Souji a lopsided smile. "No sad thoughts, we're here to have fun! Want to hit up an arcade?"

Playing video games with Yosuke was always an experience. Whenever he had a controller in his hand, he became so focused. Every movement of the controller corresponded to a movement of his body. In racing games, he'd lean into the turns, and in fighting games he'd hunch over the controller to mash the buttons.

Handheld controllers weren't involved in the classic arcade they found themselves in, of course, but Souji found the same principle applied. He watched Yosuke play Centipede on an arcade machine that was probably older than they were. He leaned left and right in the direction he moved the joystick. It was amusing, and he was pretty good at the game too.

The arcade was small and cramped, though. People kept pushing by behind them to get to the arcade machines further in the back. As more people entered, Souji found himself crowding closer and closer to Yosuke just trying to stay out of the way. "Sorry," he mumbled when he bumped so close that Yosuke lost the round.

"No problem, partner." He looked at Souji and noticed the number of people pushing their way through the arcade behind him. "You got enough room there? Come on, get closer to me, it's fine."

"You sure?" Souji murmured.

"Souji, you're my partner." Yosuke stated it as fact. "Get as close as you need to."

Taking his word for it, Souji squeezed in right next to Yosuke so that their sides were touching. Now when Yosuke leaned right, Souji leaned right with him. It was fun in a way, like they were playing the game together.

It was also comforting to be so close to someone else. Souji missed living with Nanako, who loved hugs and cuddling... If he could experience a fraction of that here with Yosuke, well, he wasn't going to reject it. The fact that Yosuke didn't seem to mind was comforting, too. He didn't think Yosuke would like being so close to another boy.

Some time later, Yosuke ran out of continues. He sighed heavily and then sat there for a while as the screen went into demo mode.

Then, he leaned his head against Souji's shoulder.

"Hmm?" Souji asked. "Do you want me to insert another coin?"

"No," Yosuke murmured. "I was just..."

"Tired," Souji assumed. "It's getting late. We stayed here longer than I thought."

Yosuke didn't move his head. "Yeah... Tired..."

"It was a fun day, though, right? Let's get back to the station and get your bag."

After heaving another big sigh, Yosuke pulled away, and then they headed out of the arcade. Due to the late hour, the crowds had thinned a little, so they were able to walk side by side. They didn't talk much, though—they were both tired from all the walking.

After retrieving Yosuke's personal bag from Tokyo Station, Souji led them to his family's apartment. It was in a neighborhood so quiet they didn't pass anyone on the street the entire way there. Souji keyed in the code at the apartment's entrance terminal and soon they were riding the elevator to the 8th floor.

"My family won't be home," Souji said. "It'll be just us."

"Nice and private, then." Yosuke nodded to himself. "We can totally party!"

"If by 'party' you mean 'read doujinshi.'"

Yosuke laughed and shook his discreet black bag, its rustle filling the elevator. "How did you know?"

The apartment wasn't far from the elevator. Souji unlocked the door and let them in. They took off their shoes in the entryway.

"So this is where the magic happens," Yosuke said, peering around the entryway.

"What magic?"

Yosuke ignored him to explore. It was a small, modern apartment with nothing fancy about it, at least in Souji's opinion. The balcony was just for show, you couldn't actually go out on it, and there were only two rooms total: a bedroom for his parents and the living space that doubled as his own room.

"Not gonna lie," Yosuke said once he'd explored it all through, "I thought for sure it'd be bigger. It's almost good your parents aren't home, or else we'd be tripping over them."

"Space is at a premium here in the city," Souji said.

"I know that, but... Your room back in Inaba is almost bigger than the whole place! I thought your family was loaded, since they worked overseas last year. I guess I made a bad assumption."

"You come into my home and the first thing you do is insult it," Souji said. "I see how it is."

"I didn't mean it like that," Yosuke began, probably intending to apologize.

Souji shook his head to cut him off. "Don't worry. I was joking and... I don't really think of this place as home."

Yosuke put on a sympathetic look, but he didn't say anything. They'd already exhausted this topic way back in March. Nothing they could say now would change things. Souji lived in Tokyo and that was that.

"So..." Yosuke cast about the room for another topic. "I see you already brought out the spare futon, nice."

Souji had placed it opposite his own in the small living room. The tea table separated the two. He liked sleeping next to the tea table because he kept a water bottle on it within reach for when he got thirsty during the night. Souji placed his doujinshi bag on the table now. Yosuke looked at it curiously before sitting down on the floor and taking his own books out of their bags and spreading them out around him. He had quite a haul. Twelve books? No, thirteen.

Souji sat down on the floor too. Yosuke picked up a volume and began to read. Honestly, Souji enjoyed watching him read. He sat cross-legged and was careful not to damage any pages when he turned them. From this, Souji had the feeling he wasn't just going to consume these books, but cherish them.

Yosuke was not only accepting of boy's love, but into it. Because of this, they now had a new interest to share and discuss together, though they hadn't exactly talked about it yet... The realization made warmth well up in Souji's chest.

Very quietly, he said, "I'm so proud of you, you know that?"

Yosuke looked up from his book and blinked at him.

"I thought for sure that, well..." Souji continued. "That you'd never mature, in regards to, well, boys loving boys. But I was wrong."

"Buying this stuff hardly makes me mature, partner," Yosuke said. "But I'll take a compliment coming from you. Besides, I've known for a while that I'm not, umm..."

He trailed off there.

"Umm?" Souji prompted.

"I'm not against that," Yosuke finished. He paused to put the book down, then continued. "There are many forms of love. Or so Kanji said that one time... He said he was quoting me, but I sure as heck don't remember saying anything as profound as that."

"That's maturity," Souji said.

"If you say so, partner." He patted the book he'd put down and smiled softly. "I just wanna see them kiss."

"Living vicariously through them," Souji teased.

"Hey, I mean... if they're happy then maybe I can be happy, you know?"

"I know," Souji echoed. Boy, did he know. He glanced at the bag containing the book he'd bought on the table. He really wanted to read it, but he decided then that it'd have to wait until Yosuke was back in Inaba. It was R18, for one, and despite Yosuke's newfound maturity, he still didn't want Yosuke to know his tastes.

Though, Yosuke's tastes didn't seem that different. Souji picked up the nearest Featherman doujinshi from the floor and began to read it. It focused on the Rangers' school lives, and in fact didn't involve them changing into their sentai identities at all. Souji thought it was an odd choice for the author considering what they could dramatize with a confrontation between the good guys and the bad guys, especially romantically, but considering it further, high school romance was popular and familiar. Probably a lot of Featherman doujinshi did the same.

Yosuke put the book he was reading down. "Ahhh, that one was cute. They didn't kiss, but you can tell they were going to. I wish they'd shown it."

"I like seeing it, too," Souji said. "Sometimes the stories are too general, like you can pretend they're just friends instead of a couple. I didn't spend money for that."

"This is my first time reading boy's love," Yosuke admitted, "so I guess I haven't seen that yet. I could see it being annoying if you were expecting something more."

"This one's good," Souji said, indicating the one he'd just flipped through.

"Okay, I'll read it after this one. Look at the art on this one, dude."

The doujinshi Yosuke was holding up was a thick volume, and the art, at least on the cover, was quite detailed. Yosuke remarked that with that quality the artist could become a professional manga artist. Souji told him that sometimes happened, that manga artists sometimes made doujinshi on the side for fun.

"Then this book was a steal at 350 yen," Yosuke said, grinning.

"Yep," Souji said. "Enjoy."

While he read that, Souji picked out another book at random. He was vaguely aware of the focused way Yosuke read his book. He was totally getting into it, turning the pages without blinking. It made Souji happy. Maybe he'd ask to read that one next if it was so good.

The one Souji had selected was rather lame in comparison, the plot relying on an unrealistic miscommunication to cause drama. By the end, Souji didn't even want the characters to be together. After having hurt each other so much, they honestly deserved better than each other.

All of a sudden Yosuke leaned back, the movement drawing Souji's attention. "Dude, listen to this," said Yosuke. "I'm near the end of the story, and they're like, all this drama happened, and anyway, he's about to leave and..."

Souji grinned at him, as excited to hear what he had to say as Yosuke was to say it.

"Then Black Condor says this. He says..." Yosuke cleared his throat and deepened his voice as he quoted the book. "''It's weird. I never thought I could feel like this, but you showed up. Now, it's like I don't wanna go on knowing I might lose the feeling.'"

Souji's grin faded into a puzzled frown

"Man..." Yosuke said. "Isn't that deep? He's leaving, so he won't see him again, and..."

Yosuke let out a sigh, but Souji couldn't feel the same. Something was off about those lines. "That sounds dangerously close to 'I'm only gay for you,'" Souji said. "So..."

"Well," Yosuke said, his excitement also dampening into a frown. "He's not gay. He just loves Hawk."

"Oh," Souji said.

He closed his eyes, but the hurt wouldn't go away. Of course Yosuke hadn't really changed. He might have an odd appreciation for boy's love now, but that appreciation didn't come from a good place. He was the same old Yosuke that Souji knew and _didn't_ love.

"What's the matter?" Yosuke asked.

"Why," Souji began slowly, with as even a voice as he could manage. "Why can't he be gay?"

"Because he only loves Hawk," Yosuke explained, as if that made all the sense in the world. "He doesn't like other guys."

Souji opened his eyes but avoided looking at Yosuke. He set down the book he'd been reading, suddenly very, very tired. Yosuke wasn't going to get it. He should just drop the topic and let it go.

"What's wrong with that?" Yosuke asked, apparently noticing his reaction.

"Everything," Souji said.

He didn't want to say more, he couldn't. He didn't want to get into a fight with Yosuke. His tongue began to feel thick in his throat at the very thought.

But Yosuke was looking at him for an explanation, so he had to try.

"The problem is," Souji said, "he can't be gay because gay isn't normal."

"What do you mean?"

"It's worse than that. Gay isn't normal. It's gross, it's bad. So he can only love _one_ other boy. That way it's not really gay. Instead his love 'surpasses the sexes' or however was the author might try and explain it away."

"Doesn't that make his love more pure or something?" Yosuke asked. "That's how I saw it."

"That's just an excuse," Souji managed through a thick throat. "It seems innocent at first, but the truth is, it feeds into the public perception that gay is disgusting, gay is wrong. It's... it's _hurtful,_ especially to someone like me who is..."

He swallowed, unable to finish. He hadn't expected his emotions to run away with him like this, but...

But it was always hanging over his head. He was wrong, he was broken, he was never going to get anywhere in life being the way he was.

He had dreams. Dreams of a world where it would be normal for him to love another man. Dreams of one day settling down with his chosen partner, of being a husband to his husband and having a family together with him. Dreams of growing old and happy together with the man he loved.

But how was that ever going to happen in a society that wouldn't even allow a fictional character to be gay?

His eyes began to sting, and when he rubbed them, tears started falling, so he kept rubbing them, but that just made it worse.

"Souji!" he heard Yosuke call from a far away distance, and he realized then that he'd said most of those thoughts out loud, which led to more tears because he had never intended to pour himself out to Yosuke, of all people.

Gently, Yosuke nudged him. Through his tears he hadn't notice Yosuke get so close, and then there were arms wrapped around his waist. He tried to say something but he just let out a horrible sob, and then Yosuke was holding him tighter.

"Souji," Yosuke murmured, rocking him gently in his arms. "I didn't know ..."

Souji sniffled and coughed.

"I mean, I've known you were gay for a long time now," Yosuke corrected. "But I didn't know... what it actually meant to you. How much it affects your quality of life. How helpless it has to make you feel sometimes. I never thought about it before."

"I just... want to be accepted... for who I am..."

"It's not much," Yosuke said, "but I accept you... I'll always accept you, Souji."

As he sat there in Yosuke's protective embrace, the sorrow he felt began to fade, replaced by a faint but growing warmth. He'd been wrong. Yosuke had changed. He was just ignorant. He was still learning, and if someone like him could learn and become a more accepting person like this, then maybe there was hope for the world yet. "Thanks," he croaked.

"You're welcome, partner," Yosuke murmured.

It was the appropriate moment for Souji to pull away and pull himself together, but he didn't move. Neither did Yosuke, who continued to hold him. Souji couldn't think of anything else to say, so they stayed there like that for a long time.

Finally, Yosuke broke the silence with a mutter. "I'll sell that book back tomorrow."

Souji stirred in his arms. "But you liked it."

"I don't like it anymore," Yosuke said. "It hurt you."

"I didn't even read it," Souji said. "The context might not have been that bad."

Yosuke shook his head. "Doesn't matter. It hurt my partner and I don't want anything to do with it."

Slowly, Souji began to smile. It really had been a good day.

* * *

[Author's notes: I'm tired of seeing people say "Yosuke isn't gay/lgbt+, he's just gay for Souji." It's really hurtful :(

Anyway, this was made as part of a tumblr prompts meme. The prompts used are:  
*"I'm so proud of you, you know that?"  
*"It's weird. I never thought I could feel like this, but you showed up. Now, it's like I don't wanna go on knowing I might lose the feeling."  
*[Hugs for a long time]


End file.
